A you statement is a way to place all of the blame on the other person as well as put them on the defensive. Fair fighting is a way to manage conflict and associated feelings effectively. This worksheet outlines a list of rules to abide when arguing with a partner or loved one. We get sidetracked on who said what battles or debates of. Fair fighting is a way to manage conflict and the feelings that come with it effectively. When working with a couple or family, or individual who has toxic arguments, it can be helpful to teach them about fair fighting rules. This may be difficult when you think the other persons point of view is silly, irrational, or just plain unfair.
Family guidelines for fighting fair confident parents. Share a copy of this printout for your client to keep at home so they can be reminded. Fair fighting rules for families pleasant hill, ca patch. If an argument starts to become personal or heated, take a timeout. Dont discuss sensitive issues in bed, when youre exhausted, hungry, in a hurry, or close to bedtime. Family guidelines for fighting fair after some happy outdoor play, i heard my son e run straight up to his bedroom and slam the door. So, here are our top ten rules for fighting fair and fighting well with your spouse.
Be sure to practice in session, and come up with a specific plan for how a couple will implement the rules. Lack of sleep and tiredness can affect our selfcontrol. By remaining calm it will be more likely that others will consider your viewpoint. Attempt to come to a compromise or an understanding. Rules for fair fighting pdf peace education foundation. Learn to fight fair in 5 easy steps if you want to make a better marriage, you have to make a better you. Instead of avoiding conflict, learn how to express. This worksheet helps to prevent issues and disagreements from escalating into unhealthy behaviors and habits. The way we fight determines if we build or destroy our relationship, and scripture gives us great pointers on how to fight well.
In a perfect world we would all follow these rules 100% of the time, but it just doesnt work like that. Blaming your spouse distracts you from solving the. Disagreements are a part of life, and knowing how to negotiate is crucial for the health of your relationship. As a result, each part of an argument learns how to argue without doing damage to the relationship. Nov 12, 20 rules for fair fighting pdf peace education foundation curricula, materials, and training stay safe and healthy. Fair fighting rules from a marriage therapist psych central. Violating these fair fighting rules is typically a sign that you have already crossed a threshold physiologically, in which signals from the more primitive, emotional centers of your brain have begun to drown out the signals from the more rational parts of your brain. You are not out to win a victory over the other person, but to build your relationship. Please wash your hands and practise social distancing.
Dont just complain, ask for a reasonable change that will relieve the gripe. No degrading language avoid namecalling, insults, putdowns or swearing. If arguments get real heated, one party can call a time out for. The same goes for fighting when hungry people tend to feel more irritated with their partners when hungry, according to this study. Telling someone directly and honestly how you feel can be a very powerful form of communication. Fair argument rules catalyst domestic violence services. Blaming your spouse distracts you from solving the problem at hand. Dont fight for the sake of fighting too often we fight defensively about silly things or in counterproductive ways. It invites your spouse to be defensive and it escalates the argument. Arguments are never easy, but it is important to know how to effectively argue to keep lines of communication. All couples fight, but those who fight fair are the ones who tend to stick together. When parties accept positive common ground rules for managing a conflict, resolution becomes much more likely.
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